A Guidebook to Relational Coaching
Post Modernism, rapid technological developments, our struggling economy, the disintegration of the family, and a fractured political system have taken their toll on the health of our society. Just like any infection, the weakest and most vulnerable parts of the body show the effects first. In every community across America the young are suffering the horrible effects of our societal illness. Many of our most vulnerable have been fragmented off and abandoned.
We live in a drastically different world than the one our parents and we adults grew up in. There are a lot more pressures and distractions on today’s youth. Today’s kids live in a society dominated with:
- Individualism: What’s in it for me?
- Hedonism: If it feels good, do it!
- Minimalism: I’m going to do just enough to get by.
- Relativism: There are no “truths”.
- Materialism: Whoever dies with the most toys wins
Isolated and Alone: Ask any kid, penetrate their veil of fear and you will discover that they feel isolated and lonely. They feel like they are on their own against the world. They don’t know who to trust. They feel like society has left them on their own to figure out how to grow into an adult. Kids are born into isolation. They no longer are welcomed into the community. They are not cared for, embraced, and nurtured as valued members of our society simply due to their status as a young member of our community. They are not the recipients of unconditional love. They have to prove their worth in order to be accepted and they learn that this only happens through their performance and their image. If you can “perform” (scholastically, athletically, and socially) and you have a good “image” (good looks, good clothes, money), then you are cool and you will be accepted. If not, you will be fragmented and isolated as an outcast.
Abandoned: A recent survey concluded that today’s parents spend 40% less time with their kids than parents did 30 years ago. The pressures of our society have consumed the parents time and our kids have been abandoned. Latchkey kids (a child who returns from school to an empty home because his or her parent or parents are away at work, or a child who is often left at home with little or no parental supervision) are now the rule not the exception. Studies have clearly shown that kids left home alone for more than three hours a day reported higher levels of behavioral problems, higher rates of depression and lower levels of self-esteem. Many parents have decided that child rearing is too messy to deal with, so they have outsourced the parenting to teachers and coaches. Parents love their kids so much, that they would rather pay a personal trainer, mentor, teacher or coach to deal with their kids, than have to spend 30 minutes talking with them face to face.
Life’s Pace: Parents and adults are so busy just trying to survive in our modern “rat race” that they don’t see what a terrible toll that it’s taking on the lives of our kids. True, our hard economic times have put a lot of pressure on parents to provide for their families, but at what cost? Many parents operating at this “break neck” pace are either too fearful, too exhausted, or too dependent on it to be able to step back and see the real effect that it is having on their kids.
Denial: Many adults and parents, when confronted with the reality that we have isolated and abandoned our kids, are simply not willing to commit to doing what it takes to correct the problem. It’s too messy, it’s too hard, and it requires too much effort on their part. They choose to look the other way. They say, “Let someone else deal with it, it’s not my job”.
What is the solution? The solution is for us adults to communicate clearly to our kids that we love them unconditionally, that we will be there and stand by them no matter what happens, and if they want, we can help them achieve a transformed existence.
The Redemptive Power of Sports
Sports were created to provide arena’s where the young could gain life experiences without the threat of real harm or death, a safe place to practice life. The life lessons learned on the sports field could therefore help young people develop and improve their relationships with fellow teammates, coaches, parents, and competitors.
Sport’s stands out as an important counteractive tool to help kids fill the void left by society’s abandonment. Sports is a hinge-pin sociological tool to teach our kids life lessons, build character, and show them how to live a virtuous life.
Due to the “charismatic” nature of sports, coaches (more than teachers, pastors, and often even more than parents) have the undivided attention of their players. Coaches often look to the stands or team bench and see hungry young eyes staring back at them begging for instruction. Having the undivided attention of kids, places a great social and moral responsibility on coaches to use their position for some greater good. Coaches have a moral responsibility to coach something greater than “how to field a grounder”, “shoot a basket”, “or make a tackle”. Coaches need to use their position, first and foremost to teach life lessons and to strengthen the moral character of their players. Sports should be considered the most important tool in our modern society for teaching our youth the things they will need to live a good life. Along with that importance should go an equal amount of respect and dignity for those who “coach” our youth.
It doesn’t matter if you are coaching college football or girls t-ball, if you want to wear the name “coach” then your first and foremost responsibility is to use your position to help young people learn life lessons and build character. Everything else is secondary.
Sports for all the wrong reasons
Visit any youth sporting event and you will typically find numerous examples of all the wrong reasons why players, coaches, and parents participate in sports. There you will find players throwing temper tantrums, coaches yelling and belittling players, and parents screaming at umpires for making the wrong call. In the last few years, irate parents and fans have even taken to physically assaulting coaches and referees. In the 8 to 13 year old age group, 70% of kids drop out of organized sports after the first year. That is an insanely high number, so something is definitely wrong. More often than not these kids drop out due to misguided player expectations, abusive coaching practices, or excess pressure placed on the player by the parents.
Too many parents, kids, and coaches participate in sports for “all the wrong reasons”:
Players: participating because their parents are forcing them to play, to become more popular, to be a champion, to become a pro athlete, to get a college scholarship, to win at all costs, to get a girlfriend or boyfriend, or because today’s modern media tells them that in order to be successful they must be athletic.
Coaches: coaching for the money, coaching to stroke their own ego’s, coaching to satisfy some repressed frustration for failing to fulfill their own athletic career, coaching their own son or daughter so they can live vicariously through them, and coaching their own son or daughter in order to push them towards a college scholarship or other recognition. Coaches should ask themselves the following questions:
- Why am I coaching?
- Where did I learn how to be a coach?
- Whose coaching style do I emulate?
Parents: having their son or daughter participate because it is a cheap babysitting option, encouraging participation so they can live vicariously through their son or daughter, fulfillment of some dream of a college scholarship, recognition, or a professional career, to keep up with the “Joneses”, or so my son/daughter will be more popular.
Participating in sports for the wrong reasons usually leads to painful consequences for everyone involved.
Using Sports as a Tool to Heal our Kids Spirits
Coaches who know how to “talk the talk” will tell you right away about life lessons being the side benefits of sports. They are usually the first to cite life lessons as the reason to justify funding or even the very existence of a sport. But have you ever wondered why “ life lessons” are always talked about as side benefits of sports? Given the crisis of the moral erosion of our youth today, shouldn’t helping kids win their battles to maintain their moral character become the primary objective of youth sports. It’s time we turn things around and make ”having fun” and “staying in shape” the secondary byproducts of sports, and elevate teaching virtue, life lessons and character development as our first objective. Let’s put “Virtue First”!
Our youth need to be taught that the character lessons learned about virtue are the most important outcome of athletic contests. That victory is only a by-product, and that winning should not create foolish pride, and defeat is a reality of life that should not breed discouragement. We need to teach our kids that in sports just like in life, victory and defeat are both “imposters” and that reality lies somewhere between both.
While there are a number of physical, psychological, and social benefits that can be gained from youth sports participation, using sports as a primary tool to teach virtue and build character will have the greatest redemptive impact on our society as a whole. However, virtue and character building benefits through youth sports will not be guaranteed solely by agreement with the concept. We need to take action. Our responsibility to teach virtue through sport is too great to leave up to chance. We can’t afford to miss these redemptive opportunities by tolerating kids with bad attitudes, overzealous parents, and poor coaching.
In every town and on every team we need to insist that sports be used:
- To teach virtue, life-lessons, and build character.
- To teach our youth about virtuous concepts such as humility, faith, hope, love, courage, self-discipline, etc.
- To teach our youth that just like training is essential for competition, so is doing schoolwork necessary to acquire knowledge needed in their future work or professional duties.
- To teach our youth about the need to surpass known physical capacities in order to obtain victory, as a life lesson about total devotion to the task undertaken.
- To teach our youth about continuing to compete when exhausted and in pain, as a life lesson about not getting discouraged in the pursuit of objectives in every-day life.
- To teach our youth the importance of sacrificing personal interest for that of the team.
- To teach our youth about uniting wills for a common purpose which forms the attitude of solidarity, so badly needed in today’s individualistic, self-centered life of consumerism.
- To teach our youth through friendly competition a more brotherly vision in life, as we exchange differing ideas with fellow man.
FOUNDATIONAL PROGRAM ELEMENTS
- WE CAN GROW VIRTUE THROUGH: Education, deliberate virtuous acts, perseverance in struggles, and by following examples set by others.
- VIRTUE OF THE WEEK: By focusing our attention on one “Virtue of the Week”, we can convey the message of Virtue through simple words, stories, and activities using examples from everyday life. These activities challenge the perception of the players and force them to choose between self-centeredness and other-centeredness.
- VIRTUOUS LEADERSHIP: In order for Virtue First to work, someone needs to take the lead on each team. Typically this is a “Head Coach”. A real leader personifies the certitude of the creed. He\She kindles the vision of a breathtaking future so as to justify the sacrifices of a transitory present.
- ASSISTANT COACHES: Assistant coaches need to be recruited and retained because they are men and women of virtue first and foremost. They need to completely buy into coaching ”Virtue First”. They need to be disciples of the program. They need to know it, value it, live it, and then teach it. Some of them will have to “Fake it until they make it”.
- BODY VS. SPIRIT CORE CONCEPT: Quality time should be spent familiarizing players with the “Body vs. Spirit” concept. Athletes should learn that their “Body” is made up of several physical components that can be made strong by eating properly, getting enough rest, exercising, etc. Likewise, their “Spirit” is just as, if not more important than their physical body. Their spirit is made up of their intellect, conscience, and will. Their spirits can be strengthened just like their bodies by practicing virtue.
- THE ENCYCLOPEDIA OF VIRTUE: The Encyclopedia of Virtue is a collection of stories, articles, quotations, and coaching wisdoms that have been assembled over many years. Each coach should be provided with a copy of “The Encyclopedia of Virtue” to use as a reference guide and for creating “Virtue Talks” with players. “
- UNCONDITIONAL LOVE: Coaches need to help players come to terms with verbalizing their love for each other. Use the words every day. Coaches will use the “Program Mantra” (See next section) as often as possible with players. Coaches must make sure that their love for the players is openly verbalized and clearly unconditional. We don’t care whether you win or lose, how many touchdowns your score, or how many baskets your make, we love you. Our love is not performance based, it’s unconditional. For many of the players this is a view of love that they are not familiar with. Players love it.
- FORMED IN THE FIRE OF AFFLICTION: Coaches should emphasize with players that life has a way of transforming our trials into stepping stones for future blessings. This happens all the time in life. No pain – No gain, No trial – No treasure, No gall – No glory, No cross – No crown. If you get knocked down, get up. Hard work and self sacrifice are the road to success. These concepts will serve players well in the future as husbands/wives, fathers/mothers, and providers for their families.
- COME TO SERVE AND YOU WILL NEVER BE DISAPPOINTED: Coaches should make a big deal out of community service and team members serving one another. There is no greater love than to lay down ones life for another. This not only applies to community service, but also to selfless play for teammates, helping a teammate with a math assignment, or helping Mom around the house.
- PERSONAL ACADEMIC COUNSELING: Coaches should take personal responsibility for the player’s academic progress. It’s more important for players to be in a class room working with a teacher after school getting their grades up, than it is to be on the practice field. It’s frustrating for practice, but it sends the right message to players, coaches, teachers, parents, administrators, and fans. Coaches should not undermine this message by whining about missing players who are attending study halls. Players are watching and listening all the time about coach’s opinion on our education system. Don’t undermine it.
VIRTUE FIRST ACTIVITIES FOR SPORT
- PROGRAM “MANTRA”: Every time the team comes together for any activity, the coaches will recite and players will respond with the program “mantra”. Coaches will ask “What’s our job?”, and the players will respond back in unison “To love us.” The coaches will then ask the players “What’s your job?” and the players will respond back “To love each other.”
- VIRTUE TALKS: Before the start of each practice, during rest periods, and at other appropriate times, Coaches should give short 10 minute lectures on the “Virtue” of the week. Virtue Talks are a key element in “Coaching Virtue”. Virtue Talks at the beginning of practice sessions sends the players the right message that virtue is first in our program. Coaches can increase the Virtue Talks relevancy by connecting the virtue of the week with something that is going on in school, on the team, with the upcoming opponent, or a holiday.
- COACHES “ONE ON ONES”: Coaches should break the team into “Packs” (small groups of 6-8 players). Give each Pack a name or number. Assign one Coach to each Pack. During water breaks (twice per practice) or other down times, each Coach selects one player in their “Pack” to have a short 5 minute “One on One” talk with. ”One on One Talks” give coaches the opportunity to provide personal virtue guidance for each player, and provide an opportunity for the player to reach out to a Coach with any personal struggles. Some teams do this in the form of “Walk-Outs” or “Walk-Ins”. All coaches will participate.
- DAILY TEXTS FROM HEAD COACH TO PLAYERS AND COACHES: The Head Coach of the program should send each player a quick inspirational (virtue of the week based) text message every day. This is a great use of technology and a way to stay in touch with players both in and out of season. Players get dozens of text messages that are garbage, how about a “good” one? Coaches need to be inspired just as much as players.
- INSPIRATIONAL EMAILS TO COACHES: Your sports community needs to be inspired and connected. The Head Coach should create and send assistant coaches, teachers, parents, and fans inspirational virtue based emails on a regular basis. Encourage all people connected with the program to sign up for this service.
- INSPIRATIONAL POSTS ON FACEBOOK: The Head Coach of the program should post an inspirational face book comment every day. This is a great use of technology and a way to stay in touch with players both in and out of season as well as keeping the Head Coach in the mainstream of student communications.
- VIRTUE CAMP: Take your team on an overnight excursion or just get away for a day. Use this as an opportunity for breaking down team “clicks”, and for bonding players and coaches. Make “Virtue” a big part of the theme for the camp out. Break into packs and create Virtue Skits and go on Virtue Treasure Hunts. If you can’t go camping, sleep out overnight on the playing field. A change of venue bonds players and lets you get to know a side of your players that you never see on the field.
- BREAK BREAD WITH YOUR TEAM OFTEN: Team meals, eating, and dining together with your team is a very important socialization and bonding tool for the team. Families eat together, so should your team. Remember, “If you feed them…they will come”. If you want attendance…feed them. Never underestimate the power of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich.
- VIRTUE GEAR: Promote “Virtue” with your players, parents, and community by equipping your player’s with T-Shirts, wrist bands, lanyards, helmet decals, patches, stickers, etc. featuring “Virtue” based themes. It’s a great way to let people know that you are part of a virtuous community.
- VIRTUE AWARD STICKERS: Reward virtuous behavior with the awarding of virtue award stickers. Players can put them on their helmets or lockers. Present the stickers during a public awards ceremony. Battlefield Commissions are awarded as a means of immediate gratification for virtuous acts. If a player makes a virtuous act on the field, give them a sticker right then and there. Battlefield commissions are a great motivator.
- WEEKLY TEACHER AWARDS: Have your team invite one teacher (or more, depending on your school size) to your weekly team awards ceremony. Have the team pick the teacher based on their personification of a specific Virtue. At the ceremony have designated players thank them for everything they do for your players and give the teacher a small token of the teams appreciation.
- STRENGTH CARDS: The Virtue First Foundation provides free business card sized strength cards to be used by coaches and players as reminders of various virtues. Strength Cards are also helpful during “One on One” Talks and as hand outs to players.
- FATHER SON/DAUGHTER JERSEY NIGHT: One of the most inspirational and emotional events a father and his player son or daughter will have during your season. Have the Dad (or a surrogate stand in) present each player with their jersey at a special ceremony at the beginning of the season before the first contest. This is a great opportunity for Dad to tell his son/daughter that he is proud of them and he loves them.
- TEAM CREED: Your team should create a team creed and recite it often. The Virtue First Foundation has a good template for a creed that they can provide you with.
- FUN DRILLS: The team should finish every core practice with a “Fun Drill”. Coaches should use Virtue Firsts “Fun Drill Manual” as a resource or create their own Fun Drills. Every player should leave every practice with a smile on their face and feeling good about themselves. Winners should be rewarded with small prizes (candy). Never end a practice with “conditioning”, especially if that conditioning will be viewed as a form of punishment by the players for losing a game, or poor performance.
- PASSING THE TORCH CEREMONY: A typical high school Ceremony (usually a BBQ at coaches house)happens at the end of the season as a way to say thanks and goodbye to Seniors and have them turn over virtue leadership of the team to the Juniors (next years Senior) class. Physical symbols of virtues are handed from Senior to Junior team members. Symbol examples: Faith-Candle, Hope-Anchor, Love-Bread, Justice-Scales, Patience-Ox, Humility-Dove, Obedience-Camel, Perseverance-Hen, Wisdom-Book. Keep these symbols in a visible place in the coach’s office during the season.
- COACHES AND WIVES DINNER: A coaching ceremony that happens at the end of the season to thank and honor the coach’s wives/husbands for their support and sacrifices for our program. Married coaches can renew their wedding vows with their spouses at this ceremony or make some other significant presentation (flowers) to show appreciation for their support.
- PLAYER/PARENT EXPECTATION/ROLE EVALUATION FORMS: Parent expectations need to be evaluated and educated. Player roles need to be defined and clarified. One great tool for doing both is to have the players and the player’s parents complete a Virtue First “Expectation/Role Evaluation Form”. This process really helps get everyone on the same page and can eliminate future misunderstandings. Compare the parent’s expectations with the player’s expectations and communicate discrepancies before they cause friction.
- PARENT MEETING: At the very beginning of the season, conduct a Parent Meeting and use it as a time to educate parents about the “Virtue First” program. Solicit their support of the program at home.
VIRTUE FIRST TEAM CORE BELIEFS
- We will value the journey more than the destination.
- We will value the spiritual more than the physical.
- We will develop “Character and “Work Ethic”.
- We will put the “Team” ahead of self.
- We will strive for Academic Excellence. This will be a priority and will not be undermined.
- We will develop “Mental Toughness”.
- We will all put forth a “Great Effort”.
- We will work hard to be bigger, faster, and stronger than our opponents.
- We will communicate with one another openly and honestly. We will not talk behind each others back.
- We will work hard to obtain in-depth information on our opponents and create informative scouting reports for our players.
- We will prepare for our opponents better than they prepare for us.
- We will run a “first class” program in everything we do.
- We will strive to have the best coaches in the league.
- We will structure our practices so as to build both our “spirits” as well as our “x’s and o’s”.
- We will serve others. Coaches will serve players, players will serve each other. Come to serve and you will never be disappointed.
- We will always put player’s virtue first and winning second.
- We will play to have fun. Winning is more fun than losing.
- We will use a cooperative coaching style that uses compassion, family values, fatherly and brotherly love.
- We will instill discipline in our players. It will be fair, firm, and consistent.
- We will practice everything. (We will practice tying our shoes if we have to!)
- We will always strive to be one of the best teams in the league.
- We will identify a role for every player and we will work to make that role worthy and satisfying.
- We will have empathy for the families of our players.
- We will encourage all players regardless of talent level.
- We will not tolerate foul language.
- We will not tolerate “mediocrity” in our program.
- We will set our goals high. We will talk about them frequently.
- We will work “one step at a time” to achieve our goals. Our immediate goal is to be 1-0.
- We will all (players and coaches) focus on the “next play” when we make a mistake.
- We will be humble. Players and parents don’t care how much coaches know, until they know how much coaches care.
- We will make our sport a priority in our lives. Example: Virtue, Family, School, Sport. Girlfriends and cars are not a priority.
- We will recruit every eligible student to play. Our program will be so valuable that students will want to be on our team even if they only see limited playing time. What they learn is greater than how they play.
- We will “Dream” of great things.
- We will not use alcohol, drugs, or tobacco.
- We will do everything possible to ensure that every player plays in the first half of every game.
- We will challenge the strong and save the weak from discouragement.
- We will not tolerate “negativism” from coaches or players.
- Players when asked a question by a coach will respond “Yes coach” or “No coach”.
- We will work to embellish the belief that both victory and defeat are imposters. That we live somewhere in between. When we win…be humble. When we lose….have hope for tomorrow.
- Our Scout Team and second or third stringers are crucial to our success….we will treat the Scout Team members with honor and respect. We will build them up.
- We will correct a little and love a lot. Coaches will never scream at players in anger.
- We will understand how you can win games and be a loser, and how you can lose games and be a winner.
- We will praise in public and punish in private. Coaches will never verbally assault players.
- Attendance is important in our program. You can’t learn anything if you are not here.
- We will never yell at the referees. We will not “work” the officials. We expect players to accept official’s calls and move on to the next play. Coaches will do the same. Only the head coach will talk to officials.
VIRTUE FIRST PLAYER EXPECTATIONS
Players should expect:
- Encouragement from coaches.
- Individualized coaching time.
- A reasonable opportunity to compete for playing time.
- Excellent role modeling, grooming, dress, behavior, and ethics.
- Guidance with personal problems or direction to appropriate school or community guidance resources.
- An organized structured athletic environment.
- Safe Refuge. (A place they can go and be safe).
- Discipline and structure.
- To play and have fun.
- To learn to work with others.
- To learn to overcome weakness in ones self.
- To actively participate in sports related social events.
- To support a superior.
- To master a body of knowledge (football, baseball, basketball, etc.)
- To receive help from adults and other players.
- To overcome adversity.
- To be aggressive and learn how to control it.
- To learn how to dispose of an inferior competitor and still be a good sportsman.
- To accomplish something difficult.
- To learn to console one another.
- Some freedom and autonomy in their life.
- To control and dominate another and still maintain humility.
- To impress others and not let it go to their head.
- To accept blame.
- To explore their emotions through the hard work of training, the highs of victories, and lows of defeats.
VIRTUE FIRST COACHES STANDARDS
- All coaches will have total loyalty to each other and the “program”.
- Coaches will never disagree on the field in front of players.
- Coaches will resolve their differences behind closed doors.
- Coaches will know the first and last names of all players at all levels in the program.
- Coaches will be the first to arrive and the last to leave.
- Coaches will be the perfect model of the characteristics and virtues that they demand from players.
- Coaches will accept the jobs they are given.
- Coaches will anticipate the needs of the program and team.
- Assistant Coaches should shield the Head Coach from distractions that take away from mentoring and helping kids.
- Coaches need to be organized. The field is for practice. A bad “rep” is better than a good “stand”.
- Coaches need to be prepared.
- Coaches need to be technically sound at what they are coaching.
- Good coaches get players to believe in them, great coaches get players to believe in themselves.
- Coach every play. Coach every rep.
- Coaches need to give players lots of feedback. “We can win with that.” “Nice job”. “Great effort”. Put every criticism in between two compliments. Tell the players they are good over and over. Players must “believe in themselves”.
- Coaches should be a great ambassadors for the “Program”. Coaches should talk to people in the community about player safety, scholar athletes, sportsmanship, training, quality opponents, character, work ethic, and teamwork. Coaches should maintain a “positive” coaching image wherever they go. (That’s hard to do in a bar!)
- Coaches should never lose sight of the fundamentals of their sport and should return to them often.
- If anger enters the conversation between a Coach and a Player during coaching, the coach needs to make sure that “fence is mended” before the player leaves the field. Never let a player leave the field doubting themselves, or the coach.
- Coaches will be experts on both the programs technical (x’s and o’s) and spiritual (Virtue First) schemes.
- Coaches will be great listeners.
- Coaches will be willing to lose battles to win the war.
- Coaches must earn respect. When we start, our respect tank is full. Where it goes from there is up to the coach.
- Coaches must be willing to admit their mistakes and even shoulder the mistakes of players at times.
- Coaches will meet every night immediately following practice for a short meeting before being dismissed.
- Coaches will become “students of the game” and will study the game through regular readings of technical books and manuals.
- Coaches will always put their own family obligations ahead of the sport they are coaching.
- In order to promote good communication between coaches, players, parents, and teachers, Coaches will create a “Coaches Directory”. The Coaches Directory will include, names, positions responsibilities, addresses, phones, cell phones, and email addresses for all coaches in the program. All coaches in the program will be completely accessible to the parents of players and the community in general.
- Coaches will make sure that player’s parents are communicated with regularly with up to date rosters, schedules, and team information. Do not assume that players are passing the information on to parents. In fact, assume they are not.
- Whenever possible varsity coaches will attend JV and Freshman games and will actively assist coaching from the bench. Varsity Coaches attending these games will assume a support role for JV and Frosh coaches. The general rule of thumb is that all coaches should attend all program level games.
WHAT IS VIRTUE?
Virtue is universal good. Virtue is an admirable quality. Virtue is whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is worthy of praise. Virtues can govern our actions, order our passions, and guide our conduct. The practice of virtue leads to self-mastery, and the joy of leading a morally good life. Virtue can be grown through education, deliberate acts, perseverance in struggle, and following the examples of other virtuous people.
To refrain from sexuality that is contrary to ones morals.
Intense emotionalism towards an interest or pursuit.
Advice, opinion, or instruction to a friend needing help.
Using ones talents as a means of earning ones livelihood.
To be genuine, honest, not falsified or duplicated.
Favorably disposed and inclined to be kind and helpful to others.
Kindly, amiable, mild mannered and respectable.
Honesty, fairness, or integrity in ones beliefs, to hold in high respect.
The ability to perceive the comic or absurd quality of life. Good temperament.
Training of ones self, usually for improvement.
Willingness to comply with or submit to authority.
Conformity to the rules of right and virtuous conduct.
Control or restraint of oneself or ones actions or feelings.
To surrender personal freedom and subject yourself to the will of another.
The quality of being free from vanity. Not boastful. Humble.
Fair and permissive attitude toward those whose opinions or practice differ from your own.
The actual state of affairs, honest, accurate, verity, platitude.
The readiness and ability to initiate action.
Good or benevolent nature, considerate, helpful, humane, gentle, loving.
Acquaintance with facts, truths, or principles from study.
The ability to go before others and show them the way. Guide. Direct.
The state of being faithful to commitments, obligations, causes, and people.
Esteem or deference to a right of another, to honor, be courteous to.
Answerable or accountable for one’s own actions.
Proper esteem or regard for the dignity of one’s character.
Devoted love, support, and defense of one’s country.
To undergo a penalty, pain, or loss in defending a principle, ideal, goal, or movement.
True to one word, promise, allegiance, or affection. To be loyal and constant.
To yield to the possession or power of another person, influence, or course.
Being tough, not giving up, coming back time and time again.
To grasp the significance, importance, or meaning of.
Keeping a dignified composed manner even under stress.
Being wise and judicious in planning practical and future affairs.
What is right, righteous, guided by truth, reason, and fairness.
Mental and emotional strength in facing difficulty and adversity.
Moderation or self-restraint in action.
Belief, confidence or trust in a person or thing, not based on proof.
To look forward, to believe, desire, and trust that events will work out as desired.
Affectionate concern for the well-being of others.
The ability to face difficulty, danger, or pain without fear.
Vicariously experiencing the feelings, thoughts, emotions, or attitudes of others.
Readiness or liberality in giving to those in need.
Having a modest estimate of ones own importance. Not proud.
Adherence to moral principles. Congruence in thought, spoken word, and deed.
Benevolent feeling toward those in need, generous actions.
The ability to suppress restlessness when delayed. Waiting without complaint.
Feeling or expressing gratitude or appreciation.
Surrender or destruction of something prized for the sake of something of higher value.
The ability to discern what is true of right, judicious and learned.
An act of helpful activity or aid.
Great delight or happiness caused by something good.
The act of restraining ones self, avoiding extremes. Temperance.